


not one, not two, but three whole parfaits

by petalblizzard



Category: Gintama
Genre: Attempt at humour, Canon Compliant, Chaos Ensues, Multi, doing crimes, good intentions turning into bad situations, i might turn this into a chapter by chapter series if y'all like it enough or i get bored enough, idiots being idiots, let gintoki finish a sentence, sougo threatening hijikata, the pairings are about as vague as they are in the actual series, the usual, the yorozuya and the shinsengumi being within 10 metres of each other, you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 17:41:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14337690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petalblizzard/pseuds/petalblizzard
Summary: Shinpachi laments to himself, “Can we just go one day without committing crimes?”, ever the straight man in their constant, accidentally illegal escapades. He turns to the waitress, who now has her attention on him due to his thinking out loud.“Are you going to pay for this?”, she questions, almost sounding hopeful despite the dejected and defeated look on her face, “I could really get in trouble with my boss— ah” she stops, watching the glasses-wearing boy turn and hightail it back around the corner from whence he came.or;Yorozuya and their mildly criminal tendencies, and the Shinsengumi being terrible at enforcing the law.The sky is blue, the grass is green, and the ever-nonsensical yet predictable chaos ensues.





	not one, not two, but three whole parfaits

**Author's Note:**

> if you're actually reading this... thanks my dudes????  
> this is the first start to finish fic i've ever written and posted, and i'm sure it shows grammatically  
> i vomited this out in like 90 minutes and i'm too sick to actually reread/edit this  
> lemme know if it's shit or if it made you laugh in the comments, or swing us a kudos, i'd appreciate that a lot  
> edit 25/04: i've tried to proofread this to make it somewhat coherent, but it looks like this is as good as it's gonna get, folks  
> if you liked this mess, hit me up in the comments and let me know. i wouldn't mind taking prompts and writing a chapter similar to this and posting it here too.

Gintoki likes to think that he’s a good person, despite his short comings. He may skimp on rent more often than not, in turn causing regularly scheduled and predictable arguments with Otose-san, but he gives back from time to time when the occasion calls for it. Just the other day he was having a particularly good stroke of luck, having found a couple of hundred yen down the side of the couch he had been lazing on, reading the newest issue of Jump while absentmindedly picking his nose and looking for an area out of sight to wipe the snot covering his pinky. Never mind that he lost it all at the pachinko machines today, his intention was to turn it into a couple of thousand yen and treat both Shinpachi and Kagura, his fellow hardworking Yorozuya members, to a decent meal for once, and Gintoki likes to think that it’s the thought that counts. 

That thought in of itself ended up with him losing the spare 370 yen _and_ all of the money he had in his wallet, putting him in a sour enough mood to make some bad decisions without thinking about the consequences. He wasn’t planning on dining and dashing, he swears, it’s just that his natural inclination when his mood drops is to treat himself to a chocolate parfait, his sugar levels required it, in fact - pretending to forget that he just lost his means of paying for said dessert. So of course, he thinks while finishing his last spoonful, he has no choice but to leg it, waiting until the waitress’s back is turned. 

This, however, has him running out the door and straight into the side of a certain mayonnaise-obsessed Shinsengumi officer, drawing the attention of him and his comrades, who from the looks of it did not appreciate his interruption as their focus had been on the criminals who were attempting to rob a nearby store.

“Oi, Yorozuya,” exclaims Hijikata Toshirou, Demon Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi, recognising Gintoki amongst the chaos, “Can’t you see we’re in the middle of— ah”, his attention moved back to his targets who were bolting it down the street, with some of his comrades in pursuit, and then onto Okita Sougo - his insubordinate captain that was watching the escapees go while lounging on a nearby bench.

“Are you just going to let them get away?”, drawls Sougo, pulling his trademark red sleeping mask over his eyes, the little shit, knowing full well that he allowed them to get away, but revelling in an opportunity to piss Hijikata off, “Distraction is not very becoming of a Vice Commander, another reason you should give me your job, and just go ahead and drop dead, Hijikata-san.”.

The vein in Hijikata’s temple bulges, making it’s presence known as it does every time Sougo makes threats and suggestions that he should die. He turns to the source of the initial distraction, not wanting to give in to Sougo’s provocations and cause a scene in the shopping district filled with civilians, but also not wanting to give the ever-annoying captain the satisfaction of having pissed him off yet again. “Yorozuya, you better take responsibility for causing enough of a distraction for those criminals get away," he grounds out, "Where were you running off to?”, inquires Hijikata, taking note of Gintoki’s obvious attempts to also slip away in all the chaos.

But before Gintoki can answer, there’s a tug at his sleeve, followed by a yell from another familiar voice, “Gin-san, what are you doing here outside of a diner with the Shinsengumi?,” Shinpachi yells, spotting him just as he rounds the corner, adjusting his glasses as he comes to a stop beside Gintoki, “You said you were just popping down to the convenience store, and it’s been hours, so why do we find you here looking guilty and surrounded by the police?”.

 _We? Oh, he’s in the shit now,_ he thinks as he looks down at the source of the tugging, none other than Kagura, who’s bright blue eyes are already narrowing at him suspiciously having put two and two together, “Have you been spending all the money you owe to everyone on your sweet tooth again, stupid Gin-chan, huh?,” she inquires, _knowing full well that Gin-chan is still a child at heart and he needs to keep his sugar-levels in check, damnit!_ She continues on, uncaring of Gintoki's protestant thoughts, “I’m hungry and you were supposed to be getting food for everyone! Did you already eat? What did you eat? Do you have leftovers?”, Kagura all but yells, thinking only of her appetite and any means to satiate that appetite before she really gets mad. _Being on the receiving end of Kagura’s fury is always terrifying,_ he thinks to himself, and starts to backtrack so as not to further incriminate himself.

“Of course not,” He starts to say, but instead, the waitress appears behind him through the door of the diner, obviously having noticed his empty table and lack of payment, cutting Gintoki’s attempts to placate the fuming red-haired girl and accusing loud enough for everyone to hear: “He’s attempting to dine and dash!”. 

This draws everyone’s attention, time almost at a full stop with all eyes flickering between the distressed waitress and the chocolate stains on the white-haired Samurai’s mouth and trademark yukata. This of course includes the shit-stirring Captain who had been about to doze off on the bench, but was fully awake now. Pulling his sleeping mask up on to his forehead and off of his eyes, _he swears that Sadist Souchirou-kun has a sixth sense and it’s sole purpose serves him by sniffing out entertainment in the form of watching others suffer,_ Gintoki thinks to himself. The young Captain’s usually lazy and tired eyes light up with mirth at the prospect of more people to poke and prod at.

“Boss, how cruel! You don’t even pay Glasses-kun and that child immigrant worker over there, and you’re attempting to steal food that you don’t even need?”, he mocks in fake concern, attempting to push as many buttons for as many people as he can, fully having succeeded with all 3 Yorozuya members turning their eyes to him in wildly differing levels of anger, annoyance, and exasperation. Kagura of course bristles, immediately rising to the bait of being insulted and instead of responding, makes mad dash to shut Sougo up with her fists. 

With the two of them distracted and falling into their usual routine of using blows to communicate, Shinpachi turns turns to Gintoki to ask yet again why his most defining character trait is his glasses and if what the waitress had said about his behaviour was true, he had talked to Gin-san about his attempts to eat and run as a habit not becoming of a Samurai before, telling him that _they were downright mildly criminal, honestly, Gin-san._ But what he sees is Gintoki already arguing with Hijikata, both of them accusing the other of getting in each other’s way. “It’s none of _your_ business what I do with my money, tax thief!” Gintoki states, unsheathing and swinging his bokutō, as Hijikata rolls his eyes, blocking the blow with his own katana and responding skeptically with “You literally just stole from this diner, I should lump you in with those other criminals and arrest you since _you_ were the one that was thieving!”.

The waitresses' attempts to get the white-haired thief to pay, incredulously stating that, “it wasn’t even just one Parfait, I’d understand if it was just one, but he had 3 of them!”, falls on deaf ears, as both Gintoki and Hijikata fall into routine, each trading well practised swings and blows with their weapons.

Shinpachi laments to himself, “Can we just go one day without committing crimes?”, ever the straight man in their constant, accidentally illegal escapades. He turns to the waitress, who now has her attention on him due to him voicing his thoughts out loud.

“Are you going to pay for this?”, she questions, almost sounding hopeful despite the dejected and defeated look on her face, “I could really get in trouble with my boss— ah” she stops, watching the glasses-wearing boy turn and hightail it back around the corner from whence he came.

She turns her attention back to the chaos unfolding in front of her, the red-haired Amanto girl screeching, “who are you calling an illegal immigrant and a child slave, you stupid Sadist!”, as the recipient to her unending punches and roundhouse kicks states with a perfectly deadpan stare and response of, “No one called you a slave or illegal, China girl, you called yourself that all on your own, well done!”, he retorts, teasing as he dodges and parries with ease. Despite his attempts at looking bored, there’s a telltale sparkle in his eye at the prospect of engaging once again in his never-ending battle with the red-haired girl and having received the ever-predictable reaction he wanted out of her.

The white-haired Samurai on the other hand had his bokutō pushing up against Hijikata’s katana, yelling about “being accused” and "Gin-can is an upstanding citizen”, and digs at the other being “predictably stupid and corrupt, you goddamn Mayora!”. The black-haired officer responds by pointing to the front of the diner where the waitress was standing, also yelling, “she _just_ said you ate 3 desserts and tried to leave without paying, you stupid, hypocritical sugar-fiend!”.

The waitress cuts her loses, and goes back into the diner fully expecting her boss to yell at her. But, she thinks, at least she can pretend none of the chaos taking place directly outside of the doors of the diner ever happened.

 _He likes to think he is a good person._ Gintoki thinks this to himself, as continues sparring with the cigarette smoking Mayora, with silky, straight black hair and whom could never understand what having an uncontrollable perm is like, goddamnit. _He’s a good person, damnit,_ he thinks as he swings his bokutō a little harder, aiming for the Vice Commander’s stupid head. With Gintoki preoccupied, this allows Kagura to continue her attempts at murdering Sougo, whom it seems to be delightedly returning the favour.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after:  
> \- waking up at 3pm from a fever-dream to an actual fever,  
> \- making myself lunch twice, because I forgot I ate it the first time,  
> \- dissociating away 3 hours, and  
> \- rewatching half an episode of gintama  
> I apologise for the garbled mess you had to read.
> 
> honestly, I'm not ready for this series to end.  
> I caught up on the manga recently after the most recent season ended, and started rewatching the anime because all I want is to watch all of everyone's antics forever and ever.  
> but all good things come to an end, I guess.


End file.
